Hospice series 7 ~ Tight buds to the flower opening

This story is continued from Hospice series 6. 



Finally the bereavement group has started in mid November, 2012. 


I was very surprised of the size of the group, there were more than 
18 people in the group. 


People were very quiet. 



We were sitting so close each other and made a big circle, 
but it seemed like we didn't know how to speak, we weren't sure if we 
were allowed to speak at this point.


We were completely closed, mouth shut, 
just like a tight buds that doesn't even trust the sun.



Lucy was the main facilitator. (if you haven't read the past post, please click here) 
I was there to help to get the chairs out, get people in, while Joan was getting ready for the coffee and the snack, and Lucy was busy organizing the handouts.


I have never experienced the awkward circle in a silence. 



We didn't even know if we could smile each other. 



It felt like "smile" would be a rude thing to do here.



We all knew the main topic of this group, "suicide", and we knew everyone in the room had experienced the loss, but we couldn't speak about it until Lucy started the group.



Finally Lucy sat in the circle,
"Welcome everyone."



I felt such a relief as Lucy started to talk.



We started the group by introducing ourselves.


I have never been to any bereavement group like this. 



Perhaps, my bereavement place/opportunity would be at Buddhist Temple while a monk is chanting. Not like in the circle with a group of people who lost a loved ones.


The first person started to introduce her self.

"My name is ****, I'm from Chilliwack, 
I lost one of my my family member by suicide 2 years ago."


Then Lucy said casually,
"Well, everyone knows that everyone in this group lost a loved one 
by suicide, so we will go more specific about it. Who and How and When. "



Hmmmm, Very awkward....



"My name is ****, I'm from Chilliwack, I lost my son by suicide 
2 years ago, by shooting himself."

"My name is ****, I'm from Sardis, I lost my nephew by suicide 
4 years ago by hang himself."

"My name is ****, I'm from Chilliwack, I lost my sister by suicide 
6 month ago by jumping off from a building."



It continued until everyone finished.



Perhaps, if this group was a cancer bereavement group, they would go with the disease's name, like breast cancer, prostate cancer, liver cancer, brain tumor, etc. But this group would go with the method, hanging, shooting, jumping off, running into the car, medication over dose etc. 



It seems very heavy, but actually, I felt it as a sacred circle and and felt honoured. 



The first day went by very fast, as every one had a chance to talk a bit more about themselves.



Second week was the similar, but since we had started to open up a bit in a last session,
we were more relaxed.



Third week, I was starting to notice one thing.

"People want to talk very specific about what had happened. Over and over."

They speak the same thing repeatedly.


That means,

"They never had a safe place to talk about it. " 

One of the rule in the bereavement group is to listen without judgement. Just listen. 
Everyone felt safe in the group. 




Each time when we were given a subject to talk, "Guilt", "What if's", "Self care", "good memories", it always lead to the conversation of  
"What had happened before, during and after." with lots of tears.



It was like getting the heavy sticky phlegm out from the lung, heart, stomach. It feels better each time when the phlegm is out, but the it continues to build up, so people want to get it out repeatedly.




I also noticed more smiles and laughs as the weeks go by.

The buds started to remember to trust the sun, and started to open.

Hospice series 6 ~ Group is starting

This story is continued from Hospice series 5. 


I walked up to Joan and told her that I would like to be a part of the new suicide bereavement group as
a co-facilitator.

Her face lightened up and I could see her eyes started to fill up with tear of gratitude. She didn't think
there would be anyone would want to help for this group.

She told me she has been working on getting this group started for 1.5 years now and finally it seems 
like things are happening.

You can read the local news paper how this group started.

New group offers support for bereaved families By Chilliwack Progress Published: November 13, 2012 11:00 AM

Lucy Fraser (right), program director for Chilliwack Hospice Society, along with (from left) Fraser Health social worker Denise Armstrong, Joan Noel and Mari Okazaki are all part of the new Suicide Bereavement Support Group in Chilliwack. Noel and Okazaki both lost family members to suicide.

A new bereavement support group starting up in Chilliwack this month is specifically to help those touched by suicide of a loved one. One of the group facilitators, Joan Noel, lost her 29-year-old twin son, Dylan, to suicide in 2009. "After my son died I had so many unanswered questions and so much guilt," she told The Progress. "It is the most horrific thing I have ever tried to deal with and I knew I needed to talk to someone." In her grief, she reached out to the Chilliwack Hospice Society at first and attended a support  group for those suffering the loss of a loved one. But still she had a burning need to share with others who had experienced the unique agony of losing someone who took their own life. The grieving mother tried to find one nearby, but the closest group met in Surrey. She attended to a few meetings and was wholly transformed by the experience from the beginning. "Suicide is such a hush-hush subject," she said. "No one wants to talk about it." In fact, it happens more than one would imagine. "I didn't know that it happened so much in our communities, until it happened in my life." No one wants to see their friends and family suffer further, so they tend to keep mum. But it turns out, sharing with others in a similar situation seems to lighten the load. "For me I needed to talk about it, to try to understand why he would do such a thing. I remember for months after my son died, I kept going over the last few days of his life. Trying to figure out what led to his decision. "I felt like a detective, going over ever little bit of information hoping to find a answer. I shared this at the support group in Surrey and another lady said she had done the same thing." Suddenly it clicked. "I could relate to so many of the people's stories. Everyone's story was different, but I found that I connected to everyone there in one way or another," Noel said. "I learned so much from this support group." It was a real education, too in the very basics of mental illness. "I thought if you had mental illness you heard voices in your head and had no control over your actions. I have since learned there are many forms of mental illness, like anxiety and depression." Hospice program director Lucy Fraser noted there is still a societal stigma attached to suicide deaths, that doesn't really exist otherwise, like in the case of a death by cancer or heart disease.It can even impede people from seeking out that much-needed support. "The stigma isn't even the biggest thing. It's the unanswered questions. "When a family member ends their own life, the family is left with so many questions. What did we miss? What could we have done differently? Why didn't we notice?" It's emotional pain heaped on top of pain, in layers, Fraser said. Noel said she went through that exact process. "For the longest time I was looking for a note from my son. But I never got that." He did text a friend to say that he just couldn't live with the pain any longer. "I did not know how much pain he was in, I just thought it was all normal life hurtles." Noel decided to take decisive action to help assuage that pain. She called the Chilliwack Mental Health Centre to see if they could help her get a support group going here. She met social worker Denise Armstrong, who is the Mental Health Liaison to the RCMP, and they got the ball rolling. Now the group is about to get started in Chilliwack. "I think this group will be very important. It helped me tremendously to have that support, although support groups aren't for everyone." Everyone's story is different. But Noel said was pleased to discover that it lessens the pain to share, and benefits her to help other people and hear their stories. "It gets people talking. You can relate and you say, 'Ok, I don't feel so bad now.' "The pain never really goes away. It pops up daily. "But I found the more you share your story, the less it weighs you down." Now the Chilliwack Suicide Bereavement Support Group is set to start shortly, and it will run for eight weeks, every Thursday night from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the Hospice headquarters on Hodgins Avenue. For more details call 604-795-4660. Continue to the next story...

Hospice series 5 ~ taking training

This story is continued from Hospice series 4. 

2012 April, finally, the time came to me to take the Hospice Volunteer Training. It is 10 sessions, twice a week for 5 weeks, learning the following subjects and more.

• History and Guiding Principals of Hospice Palliative Care
• Programs and Services of the Chilliwack Hospice Society
• The Roles of a Hospice Volunteer
• Hospice Palliative Care and Pain Management
• Communication and Healthy Boundaries
• Family Dynamics
• The Role of the Hospice Palliative Care Team
• Advance Care Planning
• The Volunteer and Client Relationship
• Confidentiality and Ethical Practice
• Loss, Grief and Bereavement
• Children and Grief
• Diversity and End-of-Life Care
• Psychosocial and Spiritual Care
• Complementary Therapies
• Practicing Self-Care 

It sounds strange, but I was fascinated by all the information 

around the death and dying. To me, the story around the death seems very

sacred and mystical, not scary, because I respect the death as much as the baby's birth.

Of course, it is very sad, and I am easy to cry when I hear someone had

passed away, but at the same time, I feel like I want to give a big round

of applause for the person who just passed away and say,

"Congratulations on completing another life ! "

However, towards the end of the 10 session, I still didn't know if I would be a fit

for the Hospice volunteer.  I took the volunteer training so I could do reiki

for the hospice patients and families, but I wasn't sure if I could follow all

the small rules around it.  

I have a free spirit, and I don't like to be held down with rules and regulations...

Hummmmm,

I could volunteer for the bereavement group as I have experienced 

both parents's death already, I know how grief feels.

Hummmmm, 

I could volunteer for the children's bereavement group as I lost my father

when I was 4 years old, I remember how I felt back then.

Hummmmm,

After all, I didn't know if I would really do a volunteer or not, but I was enjoying

the training very much.

However, the very last week of the entire training, we were closing up 

the group by sharing the comment from each person.

Some said,

"It was very informative and enjoy each session."

Some said,

"I would like to volunteer for the vigil support."

Some said,

"I am not sure if I will be doing volunteer as my life is very busy now, but definetely

in the future. Please be in touch!"

Then one lady said,

"I took this training to be able to start up a new bereavement group with Hospice. 

The bereavement group is specific for people who lost their loved ones by suicide."

B-I-N-G-O !  That's it. 

I found it, I found it. I found my place. 

This is where I should be as a volunteer.

It wasn't Reiki that Hospice was calling me, but this suicide bereavement group 

is the one!

This was the reason I came to this particular group for the training, 

that is why I had to wait for 4 years, 

that is why Universe changed the training month to April instead of

usual March so I could attend it!

Yes, I am quite optimistic in this way, I truly think that the Universe is working 

for me :) 

I've got to talk to this lady, Joan, if I could be in any help for this group.

It seems like my path is leading to a completely different direction now...

To be continued,,,

Hospice series 4 ~ Lead to the training

This Story is continued from Hospice series 3 ~Keeping connection.



The year 2011.



More than 4 years has passed since I was introduced to Hospice society for the first time, and 2 years has passed since the Jikiden Reiki event in 2009.



My life was becoming easier every year since my youngest child was 
out of diapers,
putting his shoes on by himself, 
putting his PJ on by himself,,,.


Those little things take time, you know.

 

                               Meanwhile, the oldest one's first teeth fell out, the middle one
                                      starting to try out her new bike,,,,, many things are happening 
                                      in these young lives ! ! ! 



Then, he was too bored to stay home with mom in his pre-school age 
(not like the other older two children), so he was in pre-school few times 
a week and I started to have my own precious 2 hours here and there.



     2 hours goes by really quick when I tried to fit many things! 
     (Post office, grocery shopping, and second hand store shopping 
      would be the maximum.) Too precious to spend time with a friend 
     for just a cup of coffee at this point ! 




Then, FINALLY, my youngest child was in school, FULL TIME!
I finally started to have 6 hours of my own time, 5 days/week, after 9 years devoting
to my children 24/7 ! (Well, this is too exaggerated as I have a very supportive
husband who gives me free time whenever I want.) 


The exciting story of my new 6 hours is here.  


Anyways, the most thing I wanted to do is more Reiki. When I hear someone is sick,
I would ask,
"I wonder if she/he would be open for Reiki?"
 and I would visit her/him.



One day, I was invited to a home party of natural skin care company, 
we were asked a question,
"If you have as much money and time as you want, what would you want to do?"



In various answers like ,
"Cruise all year around."
"Gardening and grow my own food all the time."
"Donate to the good cause, and travel around the world."




I said,
"I want to build a Alternative Health care centre and have many Reiki practitioners,
and help cancer patients and people in a serious disease with Reiki."



I was quite serious with my answer as if I was already given 1 million dollars!




A lady heard my answer and perhaps she gave my phone number to her
friend who was fighting a breast cancer.


About 5 month later from that day, I had a phone call from a lady, 
and this story will lead to Leanne's story. 


I visited Leanne for 3~5 days/week for many months as a support for her
cancer treatment. 

After few month of doing Reiki visit, she told me, 


"I finally realized how Reiki works for the cancer patient. It brings a complete peace to myself and to my family."  here is the story.


When I heard her words, the desire of doing Reiki at Hospice started to bubble up.


I went home and look for the Chilliwack Hospice Society website to look for
 the information about the Hospice Volunteer Training schedule.


And found out that the volunteer training will be starting in 2 month which works
perfect for me this time.


In past few years, the training was offered in March which didn't work for me as I would be away for Vancouver for Jikiden Reiki trainings, but for some reason, it was offered
in April this time and it was perfect for me!




I signed up for the training right on the spot.




Finally, the time has come after about 5 years of incubating my feeling for
the Hospice society ... 



to be continued,,,

Hospice series 3 ~ Keeping connection

 Continue from the last post Hospice series 2 ~ Making Connection 

Before get into my connection with Hospice, 

I want to explain a bit of my back ground.

I was introduced Jikiden Reiki in 2006 March.  The seminar was only in 

Japanese for Japanese people lived in BC.

In 2007, I took Shihankaku course (Level 1 teacher course) and it was again 

in Japanese for Japanese people lived in BC.  I suggested my teacher Mr.Yamaguchi 

that would he consider to do his seminar with English translation, and his answer was "Yes, if he could find an interpreter."  

Without any proper translation training nor interpreter license, I jumped in 

without a doubt. It would be a good thing to do to spread this wonderful teaching.

 More stories --- Mission as a translator 1~3

Next year in 2008, we did our first Jikiden Reiki seminar in Vancouver with an

English translation for English speakers.

Then the year after in 2009, I took over the work to organize the entire seminar.

So, when I took over the position as an organizer, I started to think how could I use 

this opportunity to bring the awareness of Jikiden Reiki to the public.  

This is what I did to keep the connection with Chilliwack Hospice Society.

I arranged a Jikiden Reiki talk show for the people who didn't know about

the Jikiden Reiki, and people who couldn't attend Mr.Yamaguchi's seminar.

I was already too busy with the seminar arrangement, so I asked for help

from my friends to arrange this event.

I wanted to gather 60 people. One of the reason I wanted to have 

as many people as possible was so I could donate my portion of 

the net profit to Chilliwack Hospice Society.

I invited Lucy and other people from the Chilliwack Hospice Society to 

join this evening, so Lucy could receive the donation certificate at 

the end of the event.

Many orbs (spirits) started to show up to this events.

The event was held at Havana Restaurant on Commercial Drive in Vancouver 

for $15/person.

People really enjoyed Mr.Yamaguchi's talk with opening/closing with a local singer

song writer,Rae Armour's songs with guitar. 

(Which I don't have photos because I was on the stage,,,)

Towards the end, we mentioned about part the profit from this evening with Mr.Yamaguchi will be donated to Chilliwack Hospice Society.

I see the orb on the left top corner.

       By the way, I believe in "Orbs" the spirits lights that show up on the photos. 

       They are round and different than dust/snow/rain drops/ that show up on the photos.

      What I believe about the Orbs on the photos is that when Orbs are in the photo,

      spirits are confirming that people in the photos are on the right path and truly enjoying

      the moments.

SO, this is the photo when we were just about giving the donation certificate
to Lucy the bunny lady who I met at the office of the Chilliwack Hospice Society.

Bright orb above Lucy's head !

When I saw this photo, I felt so good that spirits were also happy about what we 

were doing ! (Such a bright orb showed up above Lucy's head ! )

I didn't know how much I could donate for the Chilliwack Hospice Society until 

the evening was done, because I wasn't sure how many were coming.  

It was about 35 people all together (with few people were invited with no cost) and 

total donation cost was calculated after deducting the rent of the venue.

When I calculated the portion to give to Mr.Yamaguchi and gave an envelop of 

his portion, I casually mentioned that all my portion would be going to 

Chilliwack Hospice Society.

He looked at me with amaze, and said, 

"Really? So, you don't receive any of the money from this event?"

I said, 

" No. That's why I wanted to gather at least 60 people so I could donate more money. 

But  I could only gather 35 people.... I think Chilliwack Hospice Society would be 

happy with any amount though. "

Without any hesitation, Mr.Yamaguchi returned the envelope back to me and said,

"Add this to the donation."

I said,

"Oh, I didn't mean to ask you to give your portion as well."

He said,

"It is a good cause, and I would like to join to your idea."

It was a smaller amount than I was planning to, but it all went to 

Chilliwack Hospice Society.

This was one of the way I kept the connection with Chilliwack Hospice Society

until the time I could donate my time.

My story of the Hospice society will be continued,,,,